You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
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The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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