i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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