based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
