she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.