There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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