i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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