I just made out with a guy for $7.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
