so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
