I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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