I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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