I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
