Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
