i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
