I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
