At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize