I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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