drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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