I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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