Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
