I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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