he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
