Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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