is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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