Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How does one acquire holy water?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize