why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
