I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
