So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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