i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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