I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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