I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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