Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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