Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
