dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
