Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
