don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He felt like a one man threesome
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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