I CAN MOONWALK!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
