I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dicks are not precious.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
