i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
