you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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