god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize