The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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