New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
