It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
