I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
