do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
