I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
