he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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