I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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