i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
