it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
