i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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