i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
