i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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