omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
