he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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