Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
