Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
