He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
