So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize