she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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