one two three fourrrrnication!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
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Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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