rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
